This Cold Email Makes the Sender look unattractive – Here’s how to fix it

I dislike cold emails.

Don’t like sending them or even receiving them TBH.

But I send them anyway because Fridays (my cold email days) are my designated days to  overcome my contrarian self and implement sales activities bordering on the verge of masochism. In short, s-t-t-r-r-e-t-c-h-h-h myself.

Because Isn’t that what freelancing or entrepreneurship’s all about?

No pain, no gain.

Well nothing pushes you out of your comfort zone quicker than sending a cold email to an influencer or a company you want to pitch and sell your ideas to.

Whether you get a rejection or a “Let’s talk soon!” email as a response,  pat yourself on the back because 1) your email didn’t land up unnoticed in their spam folder and 2) They (or their assistant) took the time to respond.

Are you guaranteed a response? Nope. And it would be foolish to hedge your bets on it.

Time is a premium currency for influencers that you want to reach out to. There’s  124.5 billion business emails sent and received each day each year, according to the Radicati Group . 

That means crowded inboxes and shorter attention spans.

So how would your cold email stand out amongst a plethora of emails in a crowded inbox?

How should you write a cold email that increases the likelihood of receiving a response?

Here’s a teardown of a cold email – the before and after version. The actual details (name, title, business) have been withheld for confidentiality purposes.

If you’re a freelancer or a service provider sending cold emails to get paying clients or the opportunity to do pro bono work this could help you.

Before:   

Hi!

My name is Jacky Smith and I am an XYZ strategist in Oakdale.

I was in the neighborhood and stumbled upon your establishment.

I recently completed ABC training and in order to get certified, I’m required to work with clients in the same industry as you and help them with XYZ type of work.

If you’ve considered getting XYZ services done, would you be willing to give it a shot?

The goal is to drive traffic to an irresistible offer and acquire quality leads from this strategy.

The test takes approximately 48-72 hours, and I do all the work in exchange for a testimonial from you.

If this sounds like something you’re interested in, I’d love to have a chat with you.

(Signoff)

7 Ways to Improve this Cold Email:

1. Don’t start with what you do and who you are. They don’t care about you…yet. They care about what you can do for them.
2. Personalize your email so that it doesn’t look like you’ve sent the same email to several business owners. Take the time to research the company you’re emailing to. Get on their email list if you have to and buy a product from them.
3. Build on the company’s recent success or project that they completed. A great way to do that is with a compliment. Flattery definitely works, so include this specific compliment in your opening line for max effect, and then go a little further if it feels okay with you.
4. When you tell prospects that you’ve just completed a training and need their help getting certified, it’s again speaking to your interests and not theirs. They may feel skeptical about working with someone who isn’t certified. Inspire trust and confidence here.
5. Research is everything. Use your research to tie your service to their business goals. Prove how your service will help them attain those goals. Show them that their competitors are using the same service and they’re not..
6. Offer the service for free (which I think is the case in this email). If you don’t have (a lot) past wins, then talk about the successes you’ve had with the projects you’re doing, or class coursework.
7. End the email with a specific Call to Action. In the ‘After’ example below the email ends with “When are you open for a 15 minute call next week to chat about how we can work together?”

REWRITE SUGGESTIONS

Potential Subject lines:

1. (Name of Company)/ Generate 20 new leads for a $1.00
2. (Name of company’s new promotional offer )/ XYZ strategist available to quadruple your leads
3. (Name of company’s or influencer’s interesting story)/offer/project)/10X your list of qualified leads
4. Want (benefit) without (obstacle 1, 2 and 3)? Hire me
5. I will help you get # of leads for free

The rewrite itself……

Hi ____________,

Hope your week is going well.

I (read about/bought your product/loved) what you did (name of interesting thing/promotion/product).

OR

I love your store! It’s because of your store that I/my family have (some benefit/joy/positive memories).

I was checking out your FB page/website and noticed that you’re not running XYZ.

Do you need help with this?

OR

Have attempted XYZ before but overshot your budget and the leads you got didn’t exactly help your bottomline?

I can help.

I am an XYZ Strategist and I help (type of entrepreneurs) go from (struggle/obstacle) to (more leads, brand awareness, increased traffic, reduce costs etc.)

My # 1 strategy is using XYZ for (type of business).

As you may know, generating leads through XYZ is one of the most effective strategies to generate buyer interest. (Share a statistic or data that’s true for this type of industry and possibly how their customers are also doing this and getting gains).

Recently I helped ABCD company boost awareness — and blow their incoming store traffic/website sales out of the water — with specific XYZ lead generation targeting strategies.

(You can share 1-2 tips on how they can set themselves up for desired outcomes or success in their industry).

OR

You can say something like: “I’m especially good at identifying 1, 2, 3 when it comes to XYZ strategy).

End it with…….

In order to get more client wins and build up my portfolio, I’d love to have the chance to strategize a XYZ campaign for you completely free. If you like my work and have paid projects for me down the road, that’d be great of course, but I’d just be glad for the opportunity.

I’m sure you’ve thought about running XYZ but because you’re swamped with so many other things on your plate, you keep putting them off – Let me do them for you!

When are you open for a 15 minute call next week to chat about how we can work together?

Looking forward to hearing from you!

(Signoff)

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And finally…..

I’d love to hear from you…have you sent out cold emails?

Does the idea of cold emailing give you the heebie jeebies?

Have you sent cold emails and met with a zero response rate?

Let me know in the comments below